Saying No To Sex Without Hurting the Other Person's Feelings
Compiled by Julie Wooddell
Have you ever felt pressured to have sex and weren't sure how to say no? Are you afraid that it might happen sometime?
You are not alone. Many poeple feel pressured to have sex when they don't want to. But you can say no in a nice way!
- Be clear what you are saying no to. Reassure the other person, you are not rejecting the person or even attraction to them. You are not even a "prude".
It is not sex you are saying no to, it's sex outside of marriage.
- You may have to say this more than once. But remember, it's not your job to convince the other person, your convictions are yours and they are enough.
- If possible, talk about it ahead of time. If not then once you are in a situation, get out of the situation and then talk about it. For example, if you are making out &
feel pressure to do more, start a conversation, go to where other people are (not where other people can hear you) then talk about it. It's too hard to talk about it in the moment because you and the other
person have heightened your emotions just by making out.
- Don't give vague reasons. "I don't feel like it right now." If you feel you need to let the other person know why you
are not going to have sex with them, it is best to give real reasons and not excuses. If you give excuses, the other person will probably try
to take care of the "problem" so that the two of you can have sex. Like if you say, "We can't because my parents are home." They will probably
think that means you are going to have sex the next time the two of you are alone together.
- Until you are married the answer to sex is no and if you are unsure or uncomfortable about how far you should go, then you shouldn't go there.
What can I do to show love & affection?
- Put the Other Person First
try thinking of something the other person would really like
- Share Feelings
talk about how you feel about each other, tell each other your worst fears and your happiest moments
- Laugh and Be Silly
tell each other jokes, give each other silly nicknames
- Give a Gift
a flower or a card
- Get Romantic
surprise the other person with a candlelight dinner, bake cookies together, go get your picture taken
- Write Love Letters
they can be corny - but we still love to get them
- Go Somewhere Special
go dancing, ride a roller coaster, do something only your town has
- Flirt
eye contact, a peck on the cheek
- Hold Hands, Kiss, Hug
take a walk arm in arm
- Take Other Kinds of Risks
have you shown each other your baby pictures yet? try swaping secrets or teaching each other something new
taking risks through sharing experiences and feelings can bring you closer!
Showing you care may be the biggest risk of all.
Why are people choosing abstinence?
- I've heard too many people say they wish they hadn't done it - afterwards.
- Having sex will not make that person love me.
- There is no kind of birth control that is 100%.
- I'm not ready to have a baby.
- I don't want to get a disease.
- I want to wait until I'm married.
- I don't think it will make the relationship or my life better.
- I want to call the shots on my future, my goals & my sexuality.
- I understand that sex is not simple & it bonds two people like nothing else on the planet.
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